Tuesday, March 16, 2010

After a Break-Up: Picking Up the Pieces (Part 2)

After a Break-up: Picking Up The Pieces (Part 2)
Lj T. Salceda

You’re still in disbelief or perhaps denial. It’s only been a few days, maybe weeks but the pain is still sickening, debilitating to a point. You still go through the same roller-coaster of negative emotions.

It’s torture. Why can’t God take away the pain? Can’t He see? Can’t He hear your cries at night? Why can’t you bring back time or just stop breathing, thinking and hurting? It’s unbearable, you toy with the idea of ending it all or your life.

DON’T! If you take your life, you just pass on the misery, humiliation and expenses to your family and friends. It’ll be the start of a different gamut of problems. Whatever heartache, problem, trial or hardship you are going through SUICIDE is NEVER the SOLUTION my dear. (And neither is killing someone else. It’s MURDER.)

Someone you cared for, you loved deeply, you treasured more than your life cheated on you, left you, chose to be with another girl/guy or caused you too much emotional/mental/physical damage. Shattered your dreams. Broke your heart or your bank account. Wasted you time and your money. You’re left flooded with questions and drowning in tears… How could he? Is there something wrong with me? Why us? What now?

“Take him back,” says a small part of you. “Fight for him. Tell him you’ll forget it ever happened, if he won’t do it again.” You try to convince yourself that no relationship is perfect. No one is. You’re willing to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship, if there is still one. "Just come back, please." In your heart, you beg. What would be life without him?

Ahhh, has sanity abandoned me?

Alas, reason prevails! If I accept a cheating guy, I only empower him to hurt me more. You’ve given him many chances. You’ve done your best. Enough is enough! How do you survive a heart break and move on gracefully? The first hours, even days are crucial and the hardest. It will feel like hell. But it won’t be that way forever. I tell yah! Been there and done these things:

1. Face it- he left/cheated/lied/betrayed you. It is PAINFUL. Like a million daggers piercing every part of you. It's tormenting. Then numbness sets in. Stop blaming yourself or others. It won’t do any good. It happened. But it’s now part of history.

2. Let it out! Cry, scream, hit the punching bag at the gym, ran, tell God how you feel, write about your experience.

3. Lick your wounds. Dry your tears. Force yourself to get up or eat/sleep/rest/work/do your chores. I ate instant noodles for dinner for one week so my intestines will have something to digest. Not too healthy, but better than not eating at all. It was hard enough to cook, much more swallow regular food. But I forced myself to finish a small cup in between sobbing. Don't be paralyzed by your past or your mistakes.

4. Choose to be positive. The situation will not change overnight. You won’t feel better in a day. You won’t forget in a week. Like what Ptr. Ed Lapiz said, "Selective memory is needed to be happy." Don't wallow in pain or self-pity for a looong time. You'll miss a lot. It will rob you of many beautiful, wonderful opportunities/things.

5. Allow distractions/diversions. Go out with your friends (even if you become the butt of their jokes). Tackle new projects. Learn a new skill. Go on a trip. Climb a mountain, but don’t jump off the cliff.

6. Shine! Let's just say that a heartbreak/wrong guy is like getting a make-over. Chemicals or procedures are used to remove what is not essential or to enhance a specific part of your body/life to reveal a more beautiful/better you. For a day or two it will sting, you will struggle; but you are treated to an amazing result (as long as you don't get an allergic reaction). Don’t let a guy (or problems) get the best of you. Let it bring out the best in you girl!

7. Let yourself heal. It is a process. It takes time. Don’t jump in another relationship. Don’t bring unnecessary baggage to a new or possible love/partner. THE right guy will come. It's OK to avoid things/people/places that will remind you of him. The time will come when you will have the courage to face them.

8. READ. I've found so much comfort in some of the books I've read such as How To Mend a Broken Heart by Nelson Dy and When Everything Goes Wrong by William Girao. Or if you want to escape for a while, try some comic relief- read Bob Ong books, Archie or Charlie Brown.

9. If it gets too difficult to bear, talk to a professional. It won’t make you less of a person.

10. Learn from your experience. Share what you’ve learned.

“God has a reason why he plucked him out of your life,” said my writing mentor after a one-on-one girl talk. “It’s time to move on Lj,” she added. And I did.

Read Part 1 here.

I am now dating a super sweet, loving guy. I can’t thank God enough for waking me up from a horrible nightmare, sustaining me all through out the whole ordeal and giving me what I deserve- the BEST!


  1. buti ka pa happy na lovelife with a white guy :)

  2. Very good advices LJ.

    I'm happy for you, you deserve only the BEST :) God is good.

  3. life maybe unfair as we described it, we can't understand... but God has a perfect plan for all of us.

  4. Ms. Law -> dadating din yung sa'yo! Umorder ka na ba? JK! :)

    Thess -> Thanks kapatid! Ikaw din, you deserve the BEST!:)

    Irvin -> Amen! :)

  5. hi ms lj, can't help but cry while reading your blog. glad to see you happy again. :) All i know is that in every heartbreak, there is a joy that awaits us. we just have to have the right attitude and heart for God. He is faithful, He will see us through. i cant describe the pain and sorrow in going through it but one good thing about it is that I have proven God's faithfulness in my life.

  6. Amen Ruth. God is faithful :)

  7. haha LJ kakatuwa ka!...thanks for adding me in your blog's list, it's an honor...BTW i love our picture together during the book launching of kevin :)

  8. Ms. Law -> ikaw pa? it's fun reading your take on the law. i like the pic too! thanks for tagging me pala sa FB. :)

  9. LJ, i was supposed to text you when i first read this entry... I was like--- "Awww. nakakatuwa naman! Masaya rin ako for you!"

    I pray that you both will aim to glorify God and allow Him to be the ONE and ONLY third party involve in your relationship. (I got that from our Pastor-Mentor during one of our session. Hehe)

    God bless kapatid! ;-)

  10. Rajsh -> thanks insan or is it aunt! Jk! Am happy for you too! Hope all is well with you and your guy. Blessings! :)

  11. I read both of these on our show over the past couple of weeks. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad you are finally into this blogging thing :)

  12. I'm encouraged by your story, how you managed to moved on and open your heart to a new love again. I'm also in a very depressing situation right now but my case is different, the man who betrayed me is my husband so it's difficult to move on and get out of this miserable situation..

  13. there might be good ones, but there's always the best one :) Happy for you and your sweetheart!

  14. KK -> thanks for getting me into it! (sorry for the super delayed reply.) :)

    Ella -> sorry to hear about your situation. if you have time you can check my book, Eating With One Chopstick (CSM), you might be able to relate to my Mom's experience. blessings! :)

    My -> I agree! :)